I've always been a life planner. Not necessarily the type to have every little detail planned out, but I have always had bigger goals that I wanted to accomplish in my future. However, I've realized that some of these goals that I've planned on for so long aren't exactly what I want anymore. I came into college thinking that I would get my degree, go on to grad school until I got a doctorate, and eventually work at the Smithsonian. But I'm starting to see the flaws in my own plan. First and foremost, I'm not sure if I even want to go to grad school. If I don't go to grad school, I don't work at the Smithsonian, simple as that. But despite how upsetting it would be to not fulfill this goal that I've told everyone has been my dream, it doesn't exactly ruin my happiness.
I think that when these things happen we have to reevaluate our goals and decide if that plan is what we really want. This ties in with what I call "the supposed to's."
I'm halfway through college, I'm supposed to know what I want to do for the rest of my life. Well technically I'm supposed to have a general idea of some sort. I might want to do something with history (my major) but it would also be a dream of mine to blog full time. I'm also supposed to have a job or at least some experience, when all I've ever done is nanny! To get a job after college, I'm supposed to be getting straight A's along with doing an internship or community service or maybe holding a leadership position in some clubs. It drives me crazy with all the things that I'm supposed to have going on or planned for the future. More importantly, it scares me a little.
I think about where I'm supposed to be in preparing for my career and my future life and sometimes I just want to drop it all and give up. But, I know that this is normal, as proved by the fact that half of my friends have no idea what they want to do with their lives. I feel like college isn't the place where you truly figure out what you want, but it's a place where you realize that not everything has to be as planned out as you thought. You have time to understand your interests, and even if you major in something that you won't use specifically for your future career, there are ways to go after what you want, whatever that may be.
I've come to terms with not exactly knowing what I want out of my life, and when I find things that I truly want to do (like moving to Boston after I graduate!) I stick with them. I think a lot of people get stressed out during their college years because you think you have to have your life together, when in reality no one has their life completely together! This was a bit of a ramble of a post, but I think I just needed to write out all of this, especially with graduation coming up. For those of you worried about the future, you're not alone. Just keep taking the little things that excite you and things will eventually come together. :)